Monday, 17 October 2011

Sometimes I wish my mum was here

It's not very often that I sit and wish my mum was here, but today the feeling really hit me hard.
In most ways it's a good thing my mum died when I was young. For most people the thinking of losing your mum aged nineteen is the most horrific thought in the world, at nineteen for most girls your mum is your world, your rock even. So the fact mine died when I was five is technically a good thing, I was young enough to get over my mum dying and it rarely effects me now. Most people who know me very well know that living without my mum is kind of easy now but many people can't really grasp how it can ever be easy.

It's only days like today, when it's kind of rubbed in my face, that I think that having my mum here, or even with me for long enough for me to remember her would be a good thing. Today I really wish I had a story to tell about her. I went to meet Cath today, our cake maker for our documentary (who for the record is possibly the nicest woman I've ever met, not to mention she has the cutest family!) and for most the time we didn't even speak about the shoot, we spoke about girly things and life, the world and in my friends case, talking about her parents.

Cath was telling us that every Sunday was cake making day and Amber was saying about the Salt Dough creations she used to make with her mum. Although it sounds ridiculous, I wish just once, my mum had made a cake with me! Or that she could have taught me things, sat on a Saturday afternoon and made creations of all kinds with me, stuck them on the fridge and bragged to her friends about them!

Don't get me wrong I know that if my Mum was here, we wouldn't sit 24-7 baking cakes and living in this perfect mother-daughter world, reality isn't like that, but you know, a few memories wouldn't go a miss. My friend always feels weird about complaining about her mum being horrible to me, she says that it's wrong to complain about something I don't even have! But I'm sure if she was here I'd be the same, in fact I know I would!

I just wish that I could pick up the phone and tell my mum all my worries and womanly problems, instead of BBM-ing my best friend (although she is absolutely amazing at solving my problems, she's there for me 24-7, even though I haven't seen her in probably 5 months! I love her with all my heart for it!).

I'm sure now I'm almost twenty, this feeling is going to keep reoccurring, especially now I'm reaching tons of more milestones to celebrate. I kind of change my mind regularly about "the after life", one of my ideas is that there is no hell, but just heaven, but that's a whole other blog! Either way, I hope that where ever she is/isn't that she's proud of me!
© Hope, Freedom, Love | All rights reserved.
Blog Layout Created by pipdig